I wanna bring you to show and tell
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Green mimosas i think yes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
