Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
