i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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