and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who died my cat blue again?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
