pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
