Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
