Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
