But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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