I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
