That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize