Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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