Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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