Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
