I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
