Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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