whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
