she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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