textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Enjoy the penises
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
