when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
