I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Drunk is a universal language darling
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
