I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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