I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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