i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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