I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize