You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
