im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't put those talents on a resume
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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