he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
