she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
