I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
