And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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