I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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