Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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