apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
