He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
