That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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