So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
