I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
