guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
