sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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