Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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