Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize