she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
