You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
NoShamevember. You game?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
