Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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