dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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