Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
