Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
