I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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