I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
