I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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