Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
