I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
