How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
