so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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