Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
