just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
