he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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