Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
