i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
