The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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