I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
