turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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