You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
