fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
