yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
