If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
being pregnant is like rehab
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
