Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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