she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the liver wants what the liver wants
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
