i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
