I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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