why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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