Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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