2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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