dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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