I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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